“Shards”

A week ago today I had my first seizure in a year and a half. It wasn’t a big one like usual, no grand mal, but I was having one. After all of the increased auras and twitches, it was finally here.

Around 10 pm I was rinsing out my glass of milk when I began to feel an aura, nothing unusual lately, but then I felt the tingle- little zaps of electricity all through my body- and an indescribable weightlessness. I panicked. I began to breathe heavier, harder. It was coming. I knew it. My eyes started to dart to the left- always the left- and I tried to scream as my head began to make the same motion as my eyes. Nothing came out. I could actually feel tears down my cheeks. How that was possible, I have no clue. My husband was only down the hall in our bedroom and I couldn’t reach him. I couldn’t breathe and then my body began to shake and jerk and the glass fell from my hand and shattered on the floor. He came running, I couldn’t see him because my head was still ticking and my eyes rolling, but I heard him- Megan? MEGAN?!?! And then he grabbed me, lifted me up out of the glass and carried me to the bed. I had stopped seizing and was coming out of it trying to sit up on my elbows, pushing back up, attempting to persuade my body that I had full control again. And my husband, gently pushing me down flat and “shhh-sh-ing” me like a child while he picked little shards of glass from my feet and I stared at the ceiling, wiping tears from my eyes…

It was a depressing week (friday afternoon was the first time I got to leave the house) and I took a walk- no driving- and I thought about those who are far, far less fortunate than myself and realized I need to wake up and take better care of myself. Slow down, more sleep, better eating, less coffee, less computer (oops :-/ lol). I am given the opportunity to try and prevent such things to the best of my ability and I need to not take that for granted. Having gone a year and a half without one, I started to feel invincible. Could this one have been prevented? I don’t know but I know it rocked my world and I am not invincible. So, I DO have to remember it’s always right there… but I also choose to believe, one day, I can beat this.